WHEN THE BODY KNOWS FIRST
The signals that arrive before clarity
For a long time, I explained sleeplessness as “how I’m wired.” I called it drive. I called it leadership. I called it overdrive and kept going. Then my body started sending signals that were harder to reframe—weight, blood pressure, blood work that took away my favorite stories.
The Quiet Hum of Shame
The hardest part wasn’t the data. It was the private thoughts. Standing next to my husband in public and imagining strangers judging me. Feeling embarrassed in a body I used to trust. That kind of shame doesn’t announce itself loudly. It just hums underneath everything.
My body tried to slow me down in small ways first. I got clumsy. Uncertain. Tight in my gear. Less confident in spaces where I used to feel strong. I kept telling myself it wasn’t the time to deal with it yet. There were goals to hit. Responsibilities to manage. Life to keep moving.
Eventually, the signals got louder—not because my body was betraying me, but because it was telling the truth. It was asking for attention I kept postponing.
Surrender Before Change
I finally listened when I got honest with myself: no one was coming to save me from myself. I knew what to do. I just hadn’t been doing it consistently. Surrender came before change. And once my internal world started settling, my body followed.
I wasn’t broken. My system was communicating.